you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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