Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
