That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't turn off my feet"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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