She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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