you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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