drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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