wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
