alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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