best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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