8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i used baking grease as lip gloss
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
