I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
