I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
