It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Panties = found
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
