I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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