remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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