quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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