can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
