I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm always down for nudity.
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