Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
