what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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