I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
