oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
