I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
