wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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