moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
