The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
