He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
