i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
