he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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