just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
