I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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