if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
