The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just pee around me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
