idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
