Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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