i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
