did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
