Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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