Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
