We won't sleep together?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
