i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
