I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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