My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
