Cold hands, warm shart.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
