sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
