I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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