I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
