yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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