I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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