oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
