Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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